3:44 AM

Lullaby

Posted by Yuinyi |

I have escaped to Blogger for a while to try to take my mind off some very frustrating units conversions that I SHOULD be able to do but it's messing with my mind right now. I feel like I am getting the hang of the concepts, and if I only practice a bit more I would be able to do it, but the only thing that I can't seem to be able to do is, surprisingly, the units conversions, most basic stuff of all. I am frustrated.


Priscilla Ahn's music is playing and it is bringing back some memories. I remember loving "Dream" so much although the lyrics are somewhat suicidal. Her voice is simply too soothing. Yet it brought back so much memories of tears, loneliness, and fighting back to stand up.

Today I succeeded in completing 30 laps (30x50meters = 1.5 km) of swimming and am a very proud girl. Even the boyfriend was amazed. :D Bikini body, here I come! :D After the great workout, we went to this Japanese restaurant called Ko-Fusion, which looks REALLY high class and NICE. The food to me was more creative than it was delicious. Well, it was delicious because it was creative. They were really creative with their sushi, and I was really excited and amazed, but it was a little too expensive for me. :/ Poor people eat cheap sushi one. And today, my love for Creme Brulee was rekindled! It is such a wonderful creation! I remember having it once back in Melaka when the boyfriend of a close friend who was working in quite a high-ended restaurant made it, and it was the best thing I have ever tasted. I am just really excited to try making it on my own! :D I get so excited about cooking and baking these days. ^^

And has everyone seen the Harry Potter trailer yet? It is BREATHTAKING. Please go watch it if you haven't! What's even better is that the movie will be available in 3D! Yay! Can you tell I am truly excited? :))))

Okay I'm going to stop wasting time thinking about HP and Creme Brulee. And continue getting frustrated at those damn unit conversions.

Oh yea. Someone please tell me if I should get my hands on those Polaroids. They look so good, don't they!



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3:28 AM

Dreams

Posted by Yuinyi |

Dreams are fading fast the older I become. It seems to me that I remembered almost all of my dreams when I was still a little girl, and I never understood why my sisters could forget their dreams. But for the past few years, I've been slowly forgetting a lot of my dreams. I would be fully aware that I've had a dream the night before but details are just too blurred and hazy. I try to remember nice ones though, like when he appears in my dreams and we're just having a wonderful time, holding hands and everything seems to be perfect. Still, sometimes I can't remember all of it. Today's dream was awfully weird and a little scary. I was in the Union and walking back when I saw firetrucks lining up in front of the building, and people were shouting that there was a fire in the building. I peeked into the building and I saw fire, and for some weird reasons, gun shots. Like those flashes of gun shots you see in the movies. I ran back and I see flying dinasours from far. There was also something about a neighbour who had a crazy boyfriend and rescuing her from him. I remember being very afraid that she was going to turn evil because I saw it in her eyes. I woke up with my heart beating really fast.


It happens a lot when I nap in the evening. When every slight noise would wake me up and cause those rapid heartbeats. He said my dreams are like Disney movies. I don't remember Disney movies being so weird and disturbing. Well, he never liked Disney anyway. But it felt good and not so scary anymore talking to him, and listening to his lame riddles that made me laugh so much. When we hung up, it made me miss him so much. It happens all the time. Too many times, I would remember all the things I wanted to ask him or tell him that I didn't get to say or remember to say when I was actually talking to him, after hanging up. It sucks because I need to constantly remind myself to tell him the next time we talk, and then when we talk again, I always forget again.

Today was also one of those days where everything happens. Confused by what I might have been causing some other people to feel, thinking if I have did anything wrong, yet I was the one giving the silent treatment. Somehow I guess I already knew the problem. Sometimes I think I have to think about everyone that I am getting close with. I get comfortable and close with people so easily sometimes, that I often worry if I might have sent off the wrong signals. I need to stop doing that because I need to care about the feelings of others, and the world isn't so perfect. But sometimes life is just awfully lonely without these people that you can really get close with without worrying about anything.

On the other hand, I am also glad that some other things are still getting back on track and looks perfectly happy and hopeful for me. I would say that it doesn't matter anymore that others can't understand. They simply don't.

Today, I am a mixture of happy and a lot of other mixed emotions. Exams are coming up this week, and I really need to ace it this time. I am really scared, and pressured with all the probation stuff. (My dad already freaked out seeing the letter, which I knew would happen sooner or later) I am scared, frustrated, happy, and confused about everything today.

And I miss him so very much.

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3:40 AM

Really?

Posted by Yuinyi |


I can't believe I am staying up to finish up my homework during Summer.

This goes to show how much I have procrastinated. And I have a LOOOOOONNNGGG day tomorrow! T.T

And! I think I have started a new project, just for fun.

Idea came from a friend who suggested I draw comics out of my own super bimbo self. (Bimboness has peaked during summer apparently) :D


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10:55 PM

Empty

Posted by Yuinyi |

Summer has been well, summer. It's really warm, reminding me of Malaysia all the time. And people are not around. I have no classes, no work, nothing to do everyday. This always gets the worst of me.

I'm hanging on and spending a lot of time with the remaining friends here. Spending too much time and money in the recreation room. Spending too much time in the room. I need to get out of this place. It's empty, vacant, quiet, and warm. I sometimes feel like I am living alone here.

The most I can do is cook and make people come. The one thing I really hate about living away from home is when there's no one around and I am stuck in the house with absolutely nothing to do. I am a person who needs company, and I need to hear and see people around me.

I have a living room which is almost all the time abandoned. There's no TV. No one eats out on the dining table. Everyone stays in the room. I have a room all to myself. And a double bed with no one to share with and wake up to.

So I spend my days hanging around, trying to get out as much as possible. Going to the rec room almost every night, even though there's really nothing for me to do there that doesn't involve money. Spending my days thinking how to make things right. What to say. Filling the empty space. Holding on. Wondering what really, is right.

I haven't been blogging a lot lately. I'm always waiting for the right words to describe exactly how I am feeling. The right words never seem to come. It's getting so hard to blog. And it's hard to sleep when it feels so empty, yet I can't be sure what I am feeling. I don't know what I want.

What is this that I am feeling?

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