Black Vs White

I wanna sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

I'm sleepy and sick. I want to sleep.

It's been two hours since I tried to sleep.

Why I cannot sleep : a bit of excitement, a lot of disappointment, and a lot of I don't know what.

And my butt hurts. Not comfortable sleeping on the floor everynight. Hmm.

No strings attached.


I never believed in that. Some might say that life is always moving forward, and prefer to have as few strings attached as possible. When you get too attached to some people, it is always harder to move on when it's time for it. Emotions can be a bitch. Very troublesome. And distracting.

But. I never believed in having no strings attached. My dad once asked me, "Tell me, where do you find happiness?" Thinking that he loves sleeping moments the best, I answered stupidly, "When you are sleeping?" >.< He told me that happiness is found within the people around you. Family. Friends. It was probably one of the things I agree with him about the most.

Because I am someone who just gets too attached to people, I always find happiness whenever I am surrounded by people I love and care. The thought of being alone just scares me. Over the two years in Intec, I've seen how terribly weak I can become when I feel alone. It was horrible. I believe that at every point of our lives, we (at least I think most people) get attached to someone or something. What is the point of it if you are doing something or going somewhere on your own? Where is the happiness in it then?

I don't want to have no strings attached. Yes it is always harder for me when I have to leave somewhere or someone or something. But it makes me appreciate everything around me even more. Getting too attached is probably one of my weaknesses for it has turned me into a helplessly emotional girl, but now I see it as also one of my strengths. At least I know that I am able to get attached, love, appreciate, and truly care. I know that at every point of my life, I loved.

Perhaps I am biased, but when people tell me that they prefer to have no strings attached, I just don't really believe them. XD

Don't you think being able to love and care for the people around you, is just simply wonderful? Maybe that's why I've always been easy and I try not to hate. Some of my friends tell me that I am just too easy to be taken advantage of. But I've always chose to believe in the best in people. Maybe because I've never come across filthy cheating liars and pretentious backstabbing bitches (like in those movies), I never really thought anyone can be that bad. I am that naive. And cheatable. Sigh.

So I was getting emotional when I recalled someone who said about having no strings attached sometime ago. Because it hurt me at that point of my life. And I am just starting to get very attached to my family right now. And also really missing some Intec friends. The huge gang, as I prefer to address them as. Still disappointed with how little fun we really had during the last outing (which turned out pretty badly). The thought of leaving in less than three weeks is making me emotional. For I will probably be a changed person when I come back the next time.


It's going to be a pretty busy three weeks. Trying to meet up with as many friends as possible. Funny how I really want to meet some friends that I wasn't so close to before. I felt that I just need to meet them before I fly. To catch up.

Sigh. Who would have guessed I'd get so emotional about leaving to US?

It has just been confirmed that my flight will be on the 14th. Which happens to be on the same day as my brother's convocation in Penang. Wth.

Money smells good, really. :D

Anyway, I just came back from Akasia today. Spent my last time in McD Shah Alam Section 18. Mixed feelings, really. I am both excited and very sad to go. I think about how it was our last gathering together here in Malaysia and how I won't see most of them for quite some time. T.T

I came back with regrets. I realised how I didn't manage to bid proper goodbyes to most of them. I didn't get to do the things I wanted to do. Now I just miss everyone even more. T.T

If I can, I'd really take the car and go to Muar like I said I would while we were lepaking and laughing our ass off in McD last night.

Didn't even get to karaoke for the last time.

See lah, I emo.

I don't know how many times am I going to say this, but I am going to miss everyone so much!!!

On a not-so-emo note, I still have a whole shopping list to prepare and to shop for. I've gotten my new spectacles done though! XD I shall spend the remaining three weeks here going around eating, shopping, and packing.

Although I am starting to miss everyone, I can't wait to go too! :D

Counting down the days~!!

The plushie that Cedric made for me! Thank you sooooooooooooooooooo muchhhhh!!!!! :D

So it's a boring Sunday afternoon and I have finally resorted to googling up "What to do on a Sunday afternoon", "What to do when your friends are busy" and "Things to do when you're bored".

I am THAT bored.

And I am amused by what I have found. Check this out.

THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out shapes and see if your subconscious is trying to send you a message (perhaps that funny shape is saying, 'send all your money to urban75.com'?)

See how long you can hold a note
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Inhale deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can. Earn extra points for making your partner laugh or ending on an amusing note.

Try to not think about penguins
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.

Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.

Pretend you're a robot
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)Walk down the street with mechanical movements, adding 'zzzzzt' sounds with each motion. Pretending to have a motor broken in, say, your left hand can add at least 30 seconds more entertainment.

Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

Rate passers by
(Amusement Potential: 10-15 minutes)Secretly award passers by marks out of ten as you go along, offering (unsaid) expert criticism over their clothing, hairstyle and footwear choices.

Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

Pinch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)There's not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid.

Pretend to be a car
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.

Make Star Trek door noises
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)Stand by an electric door to a bank or something and make that silly "Scccccccchwop" sound heard whenever people popped on to the bridge to hang with Captain Kirk.

Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.

Get yourself as nauseated as possible
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see "Hurt Yourself").

Invent a weird twitch
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)Adopt a bizarre twitch (e.g. flicking your head irregularly, twitching with eye or busting out sporadic cough noises) and try it out when you go shopping.

Make a low buzzing noise
(Amusement Potential: 15-30 minutes)Hours of fun in libraries! Keeping a totally straight face and looking nonchalant, make a low pitch humming/buzzing noise and see who reacts.

Pull out a hair, stick in someone's ear
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)Best done to sleeping people. Added challenge in having no one else around, because then you can't blame it on anyone else. Try to beat your record number of times before the person catches on.

Stare at the back of someone's head until they turn around
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)This works on the "I have the feeling I'm being watched" principle. Conduct an experiment-does this really work?


I tried to swallow my tongue. LOL.

I was clearing up my junks in my room today, and I found some really cute and amusing things. Hence, among the junks 2!


I really can't believe I actually kept all the letters my friends wrote to me. That was when writing letters was so popular, and I even wrote during those 2 months long school holidays break. It's so cute how I just prefered writing letters to emailing. It's just a bit more personal. And the thrill in having a letter in the letterbox addressed to you, in cute handwritings! Among them were letters from Lisa, Lai Se Yen, Fara Ain (who went all the way to make her letters look cute and funky!), Vanessa, and Aizah (whom I've lost contact of!). The way we wrote those days just makes me wanna laugh. XD


My primary school autograph book!!! Colourful and cute handwritings! We used to write our favourite colours, favourite food, favourite this favourite that, and even who our best friends were in those autograph books. Among the favourite things to write was "Thank you for letting me pen down a few words..." and "Good luck in your future undertakings." Cuteness!


And look! My class photo during Standard 6! Don't even try to look for my face! XD




I wanted to be a police when I was 7! I really don't remember that! XD And lots of thoughts to be a teacher just so I can have the joy of marking papers (it seemed very fun to do the ticks and crosses with RED pens) and writing on boards. =P


I really don't understand how I had the time, energy and willpower to decorate my folios so nicely. XD


In Form 2 (I think) we had this Angel game thing. Someone became my angel and was writing letters to me (anonymously cause I wasn't supposed to know who it was - and I found out later on, of course, though I've now forgotten who it was) and this was one of the letters from the Angel. Mei Yueh, I am pretty sure it's your drawing!!! XD


All the New Year cards that I've been collecting since I don't know when. XD

My first Valentine's "card"? XD From, "u knoe who". LOL

My art project for SPM. It's a stamp, in case you can't tell. XD Oh those days of art classes and paintings!

And I found a birthday card from Mei Yueh, Nanny, Sanddy, Hafidz and CJ during my 18th birthday! It makes me so happy I wanted to laugh out loud. And I finally figured out what GLIEYD means! XD

And last but not least!

Awww~~!!! I think this was when I was 7, or younger. XD And don't ask me why I looked so sad, cause I don't know! =P

I can't get enough of my own cuteness. Can I like kidnap my younger self? =P

It's 1.37 a.m. and I've decided to stop my HK drama marathon because I am just too tired, and not very happy to just continue watching it. Sometimes, all the movies and HK dramas just makes me sad to think that I am running away from something and just distracting myself with them.

So I have decided to indulge myself in the 12 Zee Avi songs that I've downloaded. I've just recently discovered my love for songs from artistes like Zee Avi and Priscilla Ahn. :)

Friday nights just tend to be more gloomy than any other weekdays nights - especially when I am not out with friends. Friday nights are so not meant to be spent at home.

I think I just need someone to tell me what to do. On second thoughts, I really don't know what I want. I've been told what to do several times now, yet I am not satisfied and I go on seeking for an answer I know is already there. All that's left is for me to decide to do something. Yet, I refuse. As the tiny thoughts battle each other in my tiny brain, I no longer know what's right and what wrong, and I am no longer convinced I was right.

I trusted. I believed. And now I am starting to doubt. But I really don't want to doubt. Doubting will only turn into hatred. Do you know how hard it is to doubt and to hate? And now I am thinking, because of that, have I just been lying to myself all these while? I really don't know what to think anymore.

How is caring for others selflessly without thinking for yourself first, wrong? And why is it so hard to just, drop it and forget it? Why am I even thinking so much?

Or was I just really stupid?

It's so quiet and all I hear is the fan, and Zee Avi's voice singing Someone You Used To Know, thinking if I should just go to bed and continue knitting tomorrow. I should seriously consider just hanging out and going online at Starbucks with a cup of nice latte one day. Just for the fun of it, because I hardly ever lepak there.

And that's what I really feel like doing right now.


I hate myself when I think about all that is in my mind right now.

... is what I'm reading right now. And feeling completely lame about myself for doing that. That's how bored I can get these days. Apart from getting my visa, medical checkup, and all the preparations needed done, I am practically rotting at home now. Which explains why I've been so silent in my blog these days. Note: I've been flipping through Facebook, Twitter, Plurk, and my blog without really doing anything, for the past hour. Repeatedly switching webpages. =.=