2:23 AM

Why did I even bother.

Posted by Yuinyi |

I'm so messed up. I really am.

Why did I even bother to go and break my own heart? I should have stayed on the path and not let myself stray away. If you ask me, I seriously did not know what I was expecting. I did not know what I was hoping for. And I shouldn't even have had any hopes. I am the world's dumbest person.

You were right, Kelvian. I was stupid. So very stupid. And pathetic. I still am. And I keep doing stupid things that I know I shouldn't. And I still want to do stupid stuff.

Now I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so trapped. And it's like I am just trapping myself in this mess, secretly not wanting to get out. T.T

What's more depressing is how I need to force myself to do my Calculus homework and not let myself cry.

6:49 PM

While I Am Happy

Posted by Yuinyi |

So I'm in tremendously good mood today. Why?

1. My Calculus test 1 result was actually better than what I expected. And it was above the average score. And the fact that I couldn't do this particular question AT ALL (which will cost me up to 20 points - TWENTY) and I ended up coming up with my own technique to do it and I was so pretty sure that I was gonna flunk that question, but when I got back the paper, turns out that my technique was actually CORRECT and I only lost two points on that question for a careless mistake. Wow. LOL

2. It's a freaking FRIDAY! :D

3. I could do all three questions in my Statics hour exam today! Yay! This is like a new record. I never knew how to do anything, even in Intec. XD Just one thing bugging me, the fact that it seemed so easy for me, did I really do it correctly? o.O

4. Hanging out with a bunch of my favourite people today - later. :)

5. Paintball tomorrow!

6. :)


So it seems like I am not exactly flunking anything as bad as I thought I would be - YET. It's good to indulge in good times like this while it lasts. Two weeks later, I might be dead from Physics already. So. While I still live. :)

Asian Food Fest was today, and to be frank, it wasn't as huge of an event as I thought it would be. There were just several booths - among the ones that I saw was from Malaysia (of course), Singapore, Thai (I think), Taiwan (I think - or was it China), Korea (did I see Korea?). XD

Oh the drizzle all day made it even less hippy. I myself was too lazy to try out stuff because I was holding an umbrella and a book in one hand, and my handbag in another. I actually did not try the roti jala! I love roti jala! Gosh what is wrong with me!

One Singaporean guy was promoting ondeh-ondeh. He was telling me that the green round thing is really yummy and sweet and there's coconut in it. I feel really evil when I smile at him and said, yeah I know what it is. (while in my heart: I came from Melaka, dude) XD And as much as I wanna try it out (it looked really tempting!) I smiled, said sorry and walked away. Because I was HUNGRY and I wanted RICE for lunch!

I was reading through pinkpau's blog and came across this blog called A Singapore Taxi Driver's Story. My next favourite blog! Loving the stories. And I am so amazed that this guy has a degree from Stanford and is now driving a taxi around. Seeing that in the introduction already made me wanna read his stories.

The only thing about this whole good-mood-happy-friday thing is the rain. The drizzle which has been going on since morning. As much as I love rainy days (back in Malaysia, TOTALLY), it's another thing about rain in the US. It's cold already, and when it rains, it gets so gloomy. AND the drizzle! Maybe I am weird but I just feel that when it drizzles over here, the raindrops are extra TINY and it's different from the drizzle in Malaysia and the thing is, bringing an umbrella around doesn't make any difference. You get wet anyway. So I decided to just screw the umbrella today.


After dinner:

How can I not love these people. Keng and Yik Han came to my apartment and started fixing mine and Pui Yin's dressers, which stood there unfixed for a month already. XD And he said he'll come again tomorrow to help finish it! Yaayy!!
Gotta love 'em.

We played Poker. THEY played. I just stood around and watched. Because I don't play Poker. I don't know why but I just find all these gambling games (even if they don't gamble) you know that includes cards, mahjong, etc, boring. Maybe it's just my mindset. XD

So I became the photographer. Whee.
It lasted till 1.30 a.m. Sigh these people. :)
Patrick tried to act scary/cute/I don't know.
He then wanted to play with my camera (very childish! he didn't wanna let me have it back! XD) and got obsessed with taking pictures of people's butt. There's really a whole album of everyone's butt in my camera now. Guess who this one belongs to. XD
Time to sleep. Paintball tomorrow! :D
P/S: FlashForward. OMG.

2:14 PM

Rain

Posted by Yuinyi |

I was pretty mad at myself today for not bringing my umbrella with me to class. Hah. I was really tired and all I wanted to do was leave right after my Calculus discussion class and sleeeeeepp. And then it rained. And I didn't bring my umbrella. So I spent the next 15 minutes in the building watching people. :)


I love the rain.

But I don't like getting myself wet.



It's midterm week! I'm finding Calculus difficult. As usual. Since when has Calculus ever been easy for me? >.<

You know what's funny about me? I have a poster of John Mayer in my room, but I'm not exactly a fan. I have a poster of Bob Dylan, but I have no idea who he is or what his music is like, until recently. I have a poster of Audrey Hepburn. Yet to google her up. =.=


I need to do well in my tests. *determined* But how. =.=


Rainy day please stay
Rain rain don't go away, the sun can come back another day
Rainy day please stay
Well my mother, she doesn't bother with the dishes in the kitchen
Rainy day please stay

-Priscilla Ahn, Rain


I don't feel like bothering myself with the dishes in the kitchen too on a rainy day. Sorry housemates, I know my dishes are there, but I feel like sleeping first. Besides, I've been a good girl washing the dishes everyday! :) It's a rainy day!


Listening to Priscilla Ahn - Rain


:)

7:28 PM

My baby's here!!

Posted by Yuinyi |

This is the one good thing that made me slightly happier today. It was a sucky start. Until she arrived. :)
Yay!

9:28 PM

Of Ketupat, Rendang Tok and Bunga Api. :)

Posted by Yuinyi |

Have I mentioned how much I love people in UIUC?

Raya celebration this morning was awesome!! It feels so much like home in that tiny Asian American Studies Centre building. All the awesome awesome fooooodd!! And awesome awesome people!! To top it off, we even had an awesome karaoke session!!
And the night before, we played with bunga api! My favourite!!! :D
This is one shit cool picture. Sorry I can't help it. It's too cool.

This is another super cool one. I need to get some skills from this guy.
So back to the celebration this morning!
Alina, our MASA president, who looks reaaallyy gorgeous in her kebaya! And she's really tall too!
Amar and I!
Isa and I! Because we are both green! :D And because this picture makes me look so tall. Kekeke
Taqi! Bank Negara scholar. It took us so long to get a decent picture because he couldn't keep his eyes open. XD
Fredddyy!! All time favourite guy because he does homework all the time, hence a motivation for myself (eh elehhh) and because he is so easy to bully. XD
Karaoke session! So gooooodd!!
Way to go girls! And erm, guy!! XD
This is only like one fifth of everyone in there!! It's just too bad we had to leave earlier. Despite the gloomy weather, and the rain, it was so much fun! Thanks MASA! I love you people! Yay! XD
It is supposed to be a really busy weekend for me with tests, quizzes, and tests coming this week. And homework dues as usual. But it's RAYA!!

So I guess it's an all nighter tonight. XD
Before that! Some pictures from The Fray's concert. :)


Awesome right.

Sanddy called tonight. *happy* She was like, "Hello dear! How are you??" And I was like, okaaayyy who is this woman calling me dear, "Uhhh who are you?" And she goes, "Me laaahhh, your ex roommate!! Don't recognize my voice mehhh!!" And then all the screaming. Okay not that bad but I was so excited! So nice to hear from you Sanddy!

:)

Ciaoz! Homework time!

2:32 AM

Unbeautiful

Posted by Yuinyi |

I am getting so frustrated with UPS. My camera did not reach me for the second time now. To think that I stayed home all day (I didn't even go out for lunch!) for it, and it still didn't reach me. Don't you think they should at least call if they are knocking on my door and no one answers the door? UPS Malaysia called me when they were delivering my stuff!! >.< This is so gonna spoil my entire weekend, just thinking about it.

If all American parties involves drinking, then I really think Friday night parties will be really boring for me. Sigh. Aside from talking and socializing, there isn't really much to do. From my first experience of a Friday night party.

Gaah. So currently I am dealing with my hair issue. Again. I thought I got over it. Now I really want to have my hair long and flowing again. Short hair makes me look so chubby. And unpretty. I really gotta stop looking at my old pictures, and pictures of other people with nice long hair. =.=

I'm gonna wait BESIDE the door ALL DAY on Monday until I get my package. Yes that's what I'm gonna do.

Oh! I'm wishing everyone Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin! ;) We get to play fireflowers tomorrow at the quad! Omg I am so bringing my flashlight disc. Woots!

It's a cold night! Goodnight!!

11:23 PM

Plastic Bags.

Posted by Yuinyi |


"If you call me, I might cry, and then you might cry too."

Sigh. I hate talking to you (of course not). That itself made me teary eyed.


Today, my D3000 is supposed to have arrived. And it is supposed to be in my loving arms by now. They came, and I "was not home" to sign the package. BUT I WAS HOME!! Okay maybe I was sleeping. >.<

Wth.
I'm gonna stay home all day tomorrow and wait for my camera!

Food issues. With my current housemates, food supply goes down REALLY fast. We finish a loaf of bread within one and a half day. We finish our milk in like three days. We finish our eggs in a week. Need to go shopping for food again this weekend. >.<

Oh I am actually supposed to be watching movies and some 'really sick' (as the captain Joann likes to put it) tournament videos with the Ultimate girls. But I chose to stay home and... STUDY. Believe it. I stayed away from my laptop for 2 hours. It was like torture. I feel guilty enough for slacking off these few days. I'm actually not THAT busy yet, because my physics class only starts during the second half of the semester. And I see everyone around me getting SO FREAKING busy, and all I have to do every week is

1. Calculus homework
2. Statics homework
3. Read up for Asian American Studies
4. Work at the lab for ME 170
5. Study for Calculus quizzes

And I have been managing all that with extra time to spend online and watching movies. Don't ask me why I have so much time!! My physics classes are yet to begin! I feel really guilty when I am on MSN and my housemates are studying. Or doing homework. Or doing something productive.

So I have decided that tonight I am going to STUDY. (It'll probably be really hard to get me back to my books after this sigh)

Because I screwed my second Calculus quiz today. I was pretty confident it wouldn't be tough. And I don't think it was!! But I just blanked out. I hate it whenever that happens. We actually did one question similar to the question in my quiz, and I FORGOT how to do it. Gaaahh.

But anyway there'll be a party to meet up with the Ultimate people tomorrow. Friday night party. I can't wait. Woots. Don't worry I'll be a good girl. :)

On my 4th episode of Grey's Anatomy. It made me cry today. T.T

So I am gonna start all the mugging. And get my headaches. And snack on the huge pack of Hersheys Chocolates that my aunt brought when she visited. >.<
Why must I have chocolates in my fridge!!

9:43 PM

Today at Ultimate

Posted by Yuinyi |

Emily: Hey I really like your cleats. They are like so cute and small.

Me: Oh yea, my feet are really tiny..

Emily: Yeah, they look like they are at most size 3!

Me: It's actually size 5. :)

***********

The Fray's concert is tomorrow! Whee!! Oh and did I mention I already bought my DSLR! I am so excited to see my Nikon D3000!! :D

Movie night with the Ultimate girls on Thursday night and party with the girls AND guys on Friday night!

It's gonna be a really busy week. I better get all my homework done!!

:)

11:31 PM

Mirror mirror

Posted by Yuinyi |


I told myself I'd be a good girl and study today.

I've completely lost my mood to study. I did read up for my AAS though, since it's fiction and I think it is a nice article. Romance of Magno Rubio, by Carlos Bulosan.

I don't know if it's just the fact that tomorrow is Monday so it sucks, or if it is because how some people are so blind to see what I mean, or if it's just me being so stupid and upset about stuff that I shouldn't be upset about.


Or maybe it is the Calculus book. I find it really hard to understand. I miss my green Calculus book. Can you believe I am saying that?




"Mirror mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me whose the biggest fool of all
Mirror mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back, bring my baby back to me. "

- Mirror, mirror (M2M)


I think I am gonna get a sorethroat. *coughcough*

4:24 AM

All the little things

Posted by Yuinyi |

There are so many little things that irritate me.

Like,

I really feel annoyed and irritated when someone nudges me or messages me online, and doesn't give me a reply after I replied.

I feel really irritated that I am still caught in between and don't know where to go.

I feel really irritated because of _______ which I really want to mention but I can't.

I feel so irritated because I am losing my options.

I feel so irritated when I feel like I became solo queen.

I feel irritated by my habit of procrastination.

I feel very mad because some people are so selfish.

I feel so irritated because my doddleboard calendar thingy won't stick to the wall and it keeps falling.

I feel very annoyed with myself because I don't dare to ask the things I want to ask because it's awkward.

I also feel really disappointed because the shops around here closes so early and I cannot have yumcha session till late at night. And there's no Redbox.


I'm really happy lately. But little things annoy me from time to time.

P/S: I miss yumcha and Redbox!

12:35 AM

How do you keep moving on?

Posted by Yuinyi |



I finally got hold of my doodleboard calendar thingy which I thought I really need, to organize everything I have to do everyday. I just need to make sure I don't miss out on any important and fun events, because one thing that I've discovered since coming to U of I is the many events that they have all the time. Not mentioning tests and quizzes and homework dues, there have been trips, hangouts, meetings, club events,bbqs and football games to go to. XD I really love that about the US, but then again, I hate it when I have to miss something I really like to go to something else I really like as well. I'm sometimes even tempted to skip one or two classes. >.<

Of the many things I am learning to love, I really love hanging out with the Malaysian seniors here.

They are mostly talkative and really helpful, and sometimes very bulliable too, especially Freddy who does homework all the time. =P

Darren, who hangs out with Singaporeans a lot and has the Singaporean aura, was really talkative during our first meeting, but went really quiet after that. But he's cute right. =P

Aaand the rest of them are just really funny and nice too. Keng gives me a reaaaallyy brotherly feel (haha), and he's kind and funny. Patrick, one of the graduate students here who still claims he is a freshie, thinks I have guns, like huge arm muscles. Got meh. He tricked me so many times I can't help laughing at how stupid I was. Once, when we were on the way up Willis Tower in Chicago, we had to go into this movie hall to watch a short documentary of the making of the tower. He told me really seriously that the movie hall is actually a really huge elavator that will bring us up the tower, and that once the documentary ends, we'll be at the top already. Guess what, I believed him. =.=

I don't know why, but since Intec years, I have just really loved seniors. I remember having my best Mafia games with Soon Yi, Bu, Joshua, Caroline, Lee Yung, Joanne and Mei Yueh in 2007 when we went to Maxwell Hill, Taiping. Here, one of my happiest moments thus far, is also with the seniors. Maybe cause I enjoy laughing so much, and these seniors just make me laugh so much. I think I have a record of laughing continuously for 20 minutes during the trip to Chicago. XD
Sometimes it makes me feel so guilty cause I couldn't be as nice of a senior to my juniors as my seniors are to me.

So today we celebrated Hui Lin's birthday and my potato salad wasn't really good. :( We talked, laughed, sang, and laughed somemore. Sang with Darren and laughed with Freddy. In the end, we played two successful rounds of Mafia, which was good since I really missed playing that. Not as good as the one in 2007, but still. :) It was good to be able to laugh till my tummy hurts. Even if it's just a normal hangout. I don't need to go to bars or super cool parties (how do you even define super cool parties) to have fun.
Will be going to the ARC to workout tomorrow morning. Yay! I'm gonna build my guns wtf. Trying to arrange some weekly workout sessions with the seniors so that I can stay in shape. Hah! Then I'll come back and make pancakes for lunch. Yumm! After that a game of Frisbee at 4 with the seniors. So happy cause they wanna play. I went for this event called Fun in the Sun which is actually organized by some group of Singaporeans to just have fun in the field while there's still sun. I ended up getting lost because the field was huuuuuuggeeee and I didn't know where they were, so I missed out on ultimate again today. But! I'll make up for it tomorrow! :)

And I found out that Starbucks is a pretty good place to go to whenever I have time in between classes and no where to go. :)

Remember the AIESEC interview I mentioned in the previous post? Well I didn't make it to the final interview, which yeah sucks. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be an AIESECer and it wasn't really so much of a big deal that I am not one, but what saddened me so much was how I disappointed myself and completely screwed the interview. In the written application, I wrote a great deal about being in Toastmasters and all, but when it came to the panel interview, I clearly did not show any improvements in my speaking and thinking skills. It amazes me how people can just speak so fluently and with so much self confidence. It amazes me how my housemate could talk to anyone and make friends with everyone so instantly, and I can't.

I'm trying to break free from my comfort zone, yes I am. Sometimes I wished I had chosen to live in the dorms. How come making friends was so easy when we're only 7, and it just somehow seems harder to me at the age of 19?

I've been listening to songs through Youtube a lot lately, mostly of The Fray so I can get used to their songs before actually going for their concert, and I'm really loving their songs. Also, John Mayer's songs are actually not bad. I've just never really bothered checking out these songs, until when Darren told me they are good. Well, they ARE good. XD
I really love my John Mayer poster in my room.
P/S: I can't wait to go watch my first football game. XD
PP/S: I miss yumcha sessions.

9:46 PM

Loving Chicago

Posted by Yuinyi |

I finally went on a trip to Chicago after waiting for two weeks, which seemed like years! Chicago was - one word - awesome! Maybe it's because how I've always seen so many TV shows and movies filmed in the big cities of USA, I've really wanted to see it for myself. I was so filled with joy when I stepped on the grounds of Chicago.

We departed from Urbana-Champaign at about 10 in the morning with 4 cars. Arrived in Chinatown for lunch! Dim Sum! (although not as good as in Malaysia, of course) There was this shop called Penang, apparently the only Malaysian restaurant there, but it was burnt down last year. How sad. Chinatown reminds me a little of Malaysia, but it wasn't really impressive I would say.




But downtown Chicago! It was simply great! Told you I love the cities! High rise buildings, shopping malls, restaurants, and more buildings! Of course, it wouldn't be the best place to stay, but I would really like to go there again and again! I LOVE the buildings especially and how they all look so nice eventhough they made the city looks so packed and complicated. There are really nice and tall buildings on each side of the roads (just like in the movies!! XD) and I really love the architecture of some buildings! I would be contented just to go to Chicago for sightseeing. =P Okay maybe not lah.
So we went up to the Willis Tower, which is like 103 levels and supposedly can be seen from Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana and of course Illinois (but I can't see it from Urbana also!). XD

Amazing that all of us din crack and break the glass right. XD
And we went to Millenium Park as well, which has this bean thing. And all these artsy stuff. And a really nice field!!



This is actually Freddy and I exchanging genders. LOL
And this is Freddy-Jonathan-Patrick threesome, with Yoong Jie small boy kacauing. XD

Group picture! :)

The city at night.
At night, we went to Navy Pier for the fireworks, which was also awesome, since I love fireworks!! XD


Enough of sightseeing, next up is of course, SHOPPING!
But I was too busy shopping that I didn't have the time to take some photos. XD We shopped at Aurora which, I think isn't all that SUPER CHEAP as I thought it to be. Nevertheless, I still shopped. (what to do right)

I have to say it's a REALLY nice trip and I enjoyed every single moment of it!! The seniors were all great, and I can't help feeling so happy and grateful that I have such cool and fun seniors here! No, I really meant that!! XD Thank you sooo much for driving us there and bringing us aroundd!!! You guys are like the best! :D
I can't wait to go to Chicago again. I wanna go until I get tired of it!!! XD
Anyway I just had my AIESEC interview today, and I think I sucked. You know how I just forget everything I wanna say when I get nervous. Sigh. I actually wasn't even sure if I wanted to be an AIESECer. It's so much about entrepreneurship and leadership and stuff, I am just not sure if that's what I want. But then again, I really wanted to try out something new and get to know people and AIESEC seems to be a great platform for me to actually do that. Oh well, I'll just have to wait for the interview results then. There's one more interview to go. >.<
And I haven't slept since last night cause I procrastinated all my work until after the Chicago trip. SO yea I am pretty zzzz now.

*yawns*
Goodnight peeps!

Subscribe