My life has been reduced to pursuing homework everyday, every night. And this is with one subject dropped. I'm spending my nights either in the library or in the Engineering Hall. The moment I am done with my homework for the week, I need to start on my homework for the next week. My room feels so strange to me now, but I long to be back, in my world.
I cannot find the me time anymore. And I've changed.
I have become so stressed up, so sad, so nasty and angry. I complain too much. I am mad that the house looks like a mess and wished that I don't have to do the cleaning, because I am already working around the clock. But, who isn't? So I sighed and cleaned up. I don't remember how to be myself and smile.
Yesterday, I had what I felt like a sudden urge to run away. I stayed up on Sunday night studying for my exam on Monday and left the library for class in the morning. I sat down in lecture, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to run away and just have nothing to do. I composed myself, sat through the lecture, and went straight back home to just sleep. I skipped both my other classes and didn't even bother to hand in a homework.
I want a break. Can anyone give me a break?
I am working very hard here. But I don't see myself progressing any better. I am doing pretty badly in all of my classes, except for my art class. But I am working so hard. I don't understand. I am so tired. And I cannot afford to fall sick, because I need to do my homework all the time.
But thank you to those who have been with me through out the weekend, and everyone who talked to me. For staying up and talking to me. For sending me songs to make me happy. For sitting down in the corridor with me and watching me try to cry, and wasted and in the end fell asleep. For helping me with homework. For the poem, roses, understanding, appreciation, and the song dedications. And for coming and spending the awesome CNY dinner night with me. :)
Some pictures from our own "little" reunion dinner.
I'm struggling, but Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine's. :)
6 craps:
awwww yuinyi >.< *big bear hugs* what you really need is a break. like just ignore all homework one weekend (or even one day!) and studies and just do something you love. like watching bleach or knitting or watching bleach and knitting...?
i hope you can find your breather. it's not worth working so hard if you think you might break down because of it.
love you yuinyi. hang in there!
p/s- i'm glad you get plenty of support in UIUC =) you have great friends.
:)
But I CANNOT afford to ignore my homework for ONE WEEKEND! LOL It's up to that point where weekends are SO SO crucial for doing homework. >.<
If I can get any free time during the weekends at all, I would just... SLEEP. @.@
But thanks. :) I feel a lot better today for some reasons. Hmm. I hope I feel this motivated for the rest of the week.
And yes, people here are great. :)
Thank you Liz! Love you too!
then sleep wheeheeeeeeee. i'm btw an excellent procrastinator =p if there are any homework i do not know how to do.. i hunt lecturers down to ask teehee.
*hunting profs down is a good way to help them remember you plus stop spending two hours on one ques and getting more sleep XD
LOL yeah I think I should start doing that too. I keep telling myself that I will go find professors and TAs but I always end up just asking anyone taking the same class as I am. =.= I am also, a huge procrastinator. LOL
yeah... same although i think people in CMU have the worst workload. at least my quarter system allows me to take a lot of fun classes to keep me sane.
hang in there. we'll graduate :)
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