Black Vs White: January 2010

10:33 AM

Being 20 and grumpy

Posted by Yuinyi |

Lately, I've become someone so grumpy and angry. I get so irritated by stuff like classes, rents, love, friends. I've even become very forgetful. What happened to the me I knew?

Maybe its the classes and the workload. I am afraid for and of my own future. I dropped one class just so I can try to focus on pulling up my GPA for the time being. But what if I can't?

Money, as always, is another issue. Won't start on that, but I am working at it right now.

But I really don't like it when I don't have options. I don't like the stress. I don't like being pushed into a corner. And I get grumoy. I get mad at so many things.

I think what I need now is some company and nice chats that will make me laugh and forget all these grown up stuff. I need to find some joys in life again.

This week, I've remembered wrongly that I have lab, twice. I've also not realize my due dates. Today, I came an hour earlier to class.

Is this how being 20 feels like?

craps (8)

3:34 AM

Hitting it.

Posted by Yuinyi |

Yes I just hit 20. No longer a teen!! It's now TWO ZERO.

Just saying out the word TWENTY makes me feel old already. And YET. Not legal. I'm so stuck in between. Hah.

Freddy said, people who just came to US always like to think they have birthdays for TWO days. XD

So my birthday (Malaysian time) started off with me rushing off to the Physics lecture, and then rushing out and rushing to another lecture, and a party at night a a friend's friend's place.

Then we all gathered at Applebee's the next day, which was the 23rd according to the time here, and had a cake from ColdStone!! (which was very hard by the way because it was kinda frozen XD) :))

It was all pretty awesome, because of the people who made it awesome. Thank you everyone who showed up today! And Freddy too, even though you boarded the wrong bus (LOL are you sure you are a senior here?) and didn't make it. I totally understand. Heh.

So here's a list of all the people I want to thank.

My dad, sisters and brother, who wished me multiple times, and through all many ways - the calls, the texts, the instant messages, and the facebook email message where my dad addressed me as cutie (haha thanks Dad XD). My sister sent me a message on MSN like this:

LOL cute leh.

And I am sorry for not calling often or picking up the phone sometimes. My phone is sometimes too far away from me for me to hear it.

My aunt, and everyone in New York, for calling and looking out for me all this time. :) Sorry I tend to miss some calls!

Hafidz, for just everything up until today. You know I miss you and all that. I WAS a LITTLE disappointed that I couldn't speak to you, but oh well. There's nothing we can do about it really. But thank you. :)

Kelvian! My ~~girlfriend~~ SUPER AWESOME best uh, guy friend? LOL for wishing me more than twice even though I only asked for twice. XD And for the ELMO. I hope it reaches safely this time! And I know sometimes we don't agree on certain things, and we might not understand why we do what, but hey, it's 14 months! :))

All my best girlfriends! Jas, Shirleen, Michelle! You girls know I love you girls so much! :)) I wished I could spend it with you girls but we are all in different parts of the world. :(

My housemate Puiyin! For organizing the events today!

And all the other bunch of UIUC people - Sabrina, Huilin, Eric, Yong Siang, Yon Chiet, Hoong Chin, Kent, Freddy, Patrick, Meng Peun, Yik Han, Danny, Esvina, Jonathan, Kar Leng, Weng Seng, Chun Tian - for making it to my birthday celebration today! And to Danny and Esvina for cooking chicken rice for me tonight! I laughed so much tonight I think I am gonna lose my voice tomorrow. Awesome people! :))

Sanddy, Alicia, Wei Lun for actually attempting to call me at the strike of midnight just to wish me and talk to me! I am SORRY for missing the calls, and I know I promised to call back tonight but I left my phone at home ALL day. Gosh I WILL catch up with you guys like when I wake up later! I MISS YOU GUYS!

EVERYONE in Wisconsin - Kia Tzun, Hui Chin, Phin Ying, Li Xuan, Yi Sin, Micheal, Jon Mok, Hui Theng, Govind - for the wonderful card! I feel the LOVE! Who drew the cake anyway? It looks DELICIOUS! XD

Nico - for the books! Omg Thank you!! I love Calvin and Hobbes! And I have wanted to read a Cecelia Ahern book for sometime, but I never really want to spend on books, as always. XD Thanks!!!

Oh! and also Tony Wojkowski for agreeing to breakdance on Friday night! (nothing to do with my birthday really but Yay

And basically to EVERYONE else who wished me on facebook, MSN, email, text messages, or in person. I try my best to thank everyone on facebook, but IF I did miss anyone, I'm so sorry and THANK YOU.

This has definitely been a better one than last year, even though there wasn't any crazy party with lots of people. So I really appreciated it. :) I have learnt that it's not the amount of people, or the party that matters. It's who you're spending it with. :)

And please, stop telling me I am TWENTY. XD

craps (4)

11:30 PM

Some Advices.

Posted by Yuinyi |

Today the whole set of my desktop is finally here. (Yes so I am eagerly working on my desktop right now - and I set it up myself! *proud*) And I basically had to rearrange all my stuff to make space for the desktop (how I wish I have a bigger table). And you know, I was just really in the start-of-the-semester mood.

I was tidying up my entire room, making spaces here and there (making sure my table beside the window which I hate because it is so small and cold, has space so I can study), keeping stuff in boxes, throwing away boxes and all the unnecessary stuff, then finally organizing my calendar, going through my course outlines to see what is due and what is not, and then I saw this email from my Physics lecturer as an introduction to the course this semester.

At the end of the email, he included a collection of some of the advices from the previous students of this class. And a lot of advices are the normal ones you'd expect to see, like "read the lecture notes", "go to lectures", "don't get behind", "no last minute work", stuff like that. But there were some really amusing ones that I didn't know whether to laugh at them or worry for myself.

Student Advice From Past Semesters:

..
..
Don't rely too heavily on the practice midterms.
Pay attention during lecture and read if you don't understand, this stuff will blow your mind.
Pray. (PRAY????)
..
..
Review lectures ahead of time and do the readings.
Take physics over the summer at a junior college. (???)
..
Memorize the formula for surface area of the sphere. (Oh wow thanks.)
Reading the book and lecture notes ahead of time is a big help.
Change majors. (wtf)
..
Drop it now. (@.@) But go to lecture anyway because Kwiat is a cool guy.
..
Read the book.
The book is pointless. (wth so contradicting!)
..
You should read the book before lecture, go to lecture and take notes in the lecture notes, and listen to that guy in the bow tie. (haha nicely put. I've been informed that my lecturer is really cool, and wears a bow tie to classes. XD)
..
(and the last one) Buckle your seatbelt Dorothy, cause Kansas is going bye bye. (I don't even understand what this is supposed to mean)

Right. Now I am super ready for Physics. *faints*

craps (8)

1:19 AM

Another Start, Another Chance

Posted by Yuinyi |

Lately my emotions haven't been too stable. Probably because of the ending of the holidays and the starting of the new semester. It is all such a mixture of feelings. I'm really eager and excited for the first day of classes. It feels like a new beginning, which means another chance for me to do better and get better grades. And there's the Art class that I am taking. I really miss art lessons.

But! I look at my schedule and I go, "Okay this is a suicide mission. Suicide mission. Suicide mission." Not only is it bad enough that I am taking 18 hours, my schedule is so messed up. I have classes everyday that start at 8 or 9, and end at times between 3 pm and 8 pm. Wow. *dies*

The only thing I am looking forward to is the Art class. I have 5 heavy subjects. This means I will probably break down at least 5 times this semester. At least.

So my classes start at 8 tomorrow. I am trying to figure out how to wake up so early in the morning, especially since for the last one week I have been waking up way past noon everyday. Plus, let's not forget it is still winter!

Also. Today I was just completely pissed off and almost lost my temper. Some people are just too immature, selfish, spoilt, and lazy. And it gets worse when they decide to bullshit all night and not do any work while everyone else is doing something. It was too much tonight and still I kept quiet. And so this is where I suck. A lot of times I wished I have shouted, said what I wanna say, and just lost my temper, but a lot of times, I also didn't.

But that doesn't mean you can try my patience.

Some people need to learn how to shut up if they are just bullshitting and not doing anything while others are doing all the work.

Okay. On a lighter note. This is a conversation between me and Kelvian. Our conversations always amuse me to no end. :)

This is regarding him trying to choose a picture for his display picture on Facebook.

I say: AIYA u want u ma put as dp pic lor

I say: =.="

I say: also no need to ask me one

I say: noob

*nafKeL-V-En* says: LOL *
*nafKeL-V-En* says: ok la ok la..
*nafKeL-V-En* says: i take d monkey bar 1 la..

I say: lol

I say: okayy!

I say: hahaha

I say: monkey

I say: just like u

I say: LOL

*nafKeL-V-En* says:
*nafKeL-V-En* says: okay i dont change 1st..
*nafKeL-V-En* says: must act as tho i have a life
*nafKeL-V-En* says: n nt desperately waiting 4 new pics to set as dp

I say: =.="

I say: wtf

*nafKeL-V-En* says: wakakakaka

I say: like that also got

*nafKeL-V-En* says: tues only change..
*nafKeL-V-En* says:=P

I say: i must blog about this!

I say: LOL

*nafKeL-V-En* says:
*nafKeL-V-En* says: EYE KEEL EW!!

I say: HAHAHA

We like to act cute and act like we have a life. ;P

And my life starts/ends tomorrow!

craps (0)

12:02 AM

Musings

Posted by Yuinyi |

Talk about broken friendships.

As I look at her photos a bit longer, she looks different. She has definitely changed. Do I still know her? But when, when was the last time we saw each other, or even bothered to find time to say hi to each other online? It ended just like that.

It angered me that she never made any effort, while I did all the work. It angered me that, within the five of us, I seemed to be the only one making any efforts at all. And it was disappointing each time we had an appointment because there were too many excuses.

It also angered me that I have given up so long ago. That I cannot be bothered anymore.

Did she even know the day I flew off?

How can "Friends Forever" just vanished like that? I have realized just how fragile the friendship was. It was broken the moment I decided to stop calling. There were no arguments, no talk, no attempts to make up, nothing. We just stopped keeping in touch. How could something so fragile felt so strong once upon a time?

Would you even remember my birthday? Should I call you when it's yours?

It is always sad when I realize that the world isn't as ideal as I have always thought it to be. Like how fragile and impermanent friendships can be. People come and go. Sometimes, I care too much, and worry too much about them, but does it even matter to those people that I cared and was worried? Those are the times I realized that it didn't matter that those people matter to me, because I don't matter to them. Today we might be laughing together, but would you remember me tomorrow?

It is also times like this that I treasure people who stood by and stayed around me even more.

On another note, a Sikh temple is being stoned. It's sad and it's scary to know that this is the world we are living in today. There are too many issues going around and people need to sit down and talk about it peacefully, reasonably and actually find a way to restore peace.

You know why sometimes I don't read the newspaper? It scares me to know too much.

craps (2)

3:57 AM

Hello, I'm Sick. And Happy New Year again.

Posted by Yuinyi |

Remembering last year's Christmas and New Year made me smile. It wasn't perfect but it is funny thinking about it now.

I remember feeling frustrated when I arrived in my room on the morning of the first day of last year. It wasn't a New Year celebration I'd imagine it to be. I sighed and went to bed.

But about a year later, today, I think it was still worth smiling about. It was stupid and crazy, but it's so memorable, I don't know when I'll get another New Year celebration like that again. We were late, and ran towards the crowd just in time when the crowd cheered, "Happy New Year!". We stopped and stood right beneath the fireworks. How young we looked then. How long my hair still was. How *sobs* much thinner I was then. How easy it all was. I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. And so, I miss you too, very much so. :)

This year, I was supposed to be joining the crowd at the Times Square. It was all excitement and a crazy crowd, but in the end I decided not to go and just stayed at home with the entire family. After a crazy week of walking, visiting, taking pictures, running, and shivering, it was nice to just stay at home - especially during New Year's Eve - and feel warm and cozy. :)

New York was all I expected it to be. I've seen the craziest crowd. I've felt the bitter bitter cold. I've also seen the part of New York that I like - less crowd, but still a city. And all the variety of food! I've seen Penang and Nyonya but have only been to Penang, which was superb by the way. I've savoured lots of Chinese food. And also lots of homecooked food. I've braved the bitter chilly wind to see the Statue of Liberty and the skyline of downtown Manhattan. I've made snowmen. I've also seen the Upper East Side a little. I've actually pretty much memorized the map. It's not as magnificent as I have heard, but it is also pretty decent. I like New York and everything it has to offer, just not the crowd. And the wait, every restaurant I've been to. XD

By the way, I found Maggi CHILI SAUCE!!! And BELACAN. AND KAYA. Those moments of joy and what felt like a lifetime of happiness when I brought them back with me. With the result of my entire luggage bag smelling of belacan. Hmm. It was worth it. :)

So right now I am back in Urbana-Champaign. Knitting away, knitting away. And making a point to finish the two books I started.

Slightly more than a week into the new year, I don't really have any resolutions this year. Or maybe I was just too busy exploring New York to make any. :P But for the new semester, I am definitely trying to do better. :)

Some shots and fun from New York. :)