Black Vs White

Sorry for such a long break. Again, due to not having the connection in Cemara and being too lazy to walk all the way to Pak Li just to go online.

Now that I am back in Melaka, I can go online anytime I want. =P

Summer's over, I'm done with Psychology, and people are moving out of Cemara.

It's funny how I only started to get to know people better when they are about to leave. When I had so many months before people actually leave, I've never actually taken the chance to get to know them. When it's like a month or two before they leave, things just happen naturally and we get to mingle around and it's those times when I'd think, 'Wow, how come I never knew he/she is so nice?" and I'd feel sorry for not having more time to know them. And when each of these people finally leave, I'd discover another empty hole in my life.

It's such a sad case.

During those breaks when I did not have the internet connection in Cemara, I've been going back to my diary. It's nice to know I can write about anything I want in it and not having anyone know about it.

One day, I wrote:

Dear Diary,

Isn't it funny how the future might just turn out the most unexpected way you've ever imagined?

Okay, that's about all I'm revealing from the diary I sometimes write in. LOL, come on, the reason I had it written in my diary is because no one would read it, no? The point is, some things happened in the most unexpected way I've ever imagined. If someone had told me what would change in Spring and Summer 08 when I was in Fall, I would have laughed my head off, or probably have my jaw hanging open like a retard. XD

I'm glad it all happened anyway.

Things will change, no doubt. Things will certainly change one way or another, whether I like it or not.

All my efforts trying to be positive about things seem to go down the drain just like that; it's like it all goes back to point zero. So all I'm doing is trying to make my way from point zero again.

I don't want to pretend to be happy when I am not. It's tiring. So sometimes, I hardly talk to anyone. Even when I was talking, I didn't feel like I was saying anything much at all. My smiles were sometimes fake, I'm sorry to say that. And you know why I say it's tiring? Because when you force yourself to talk, you have to use so much energy trying to think of a reasonable reply to whoever's talking to you when all you want to do is keep quiet and look away, lost in your own thoughts. And when you fake your smile, it feels like you have to use up all the muscles on your face to push up that smile. That's really tiring.

I need a break. One week's holiday is good. And when I get back and find that some people are no longer there, I hope that I'll still be okay because as the cliche goes,

Life has to go on.

Once I was so attached to my blog, now I'm blogging so little. Can't believe the last time I blogged was one week ago. XD

But then, it's summer. All I do is eat, play, sleep, study a little. It's basically the same thing everyday. Nothing is pushing me to blog.

And if I blog, it'll all be emo posts anyway. I've been so emo lately. I shouldn't fill my blog with emo stuff because nobody wants to read that. Eh? XD

Damn, how fast the time passed. Next week's the last week of summer already. One week of holidays, then fall. Gosh. Fall means Cal2. Fall means less people. Fall means hell.

Anyway, to be a bit more cheerful, I actually went to 8tv, and met Gary Yap. AND Gary Cao Ge. =) And to those lucky people who has watched the 4 p.m show at 8tv, they might actually get a glimpse of me! Just a glimpse but still! XD (I might put up photos later)

In the meantime, still struggling with god knows what.

Just came back from Genting two hours ago.


Feeling emo - reasons shall not be disclosed here. X(


Anyway, let's see some pictures yea?

Sanddy - forever so tall, she can't stand straight in the cable. XD

And oh my freaking gosh, I can't believe I met Chen Li Ping there. Like, I watched so many of the shows she acted in omg omg.

Finally I can tell people I have been on this thing. Gosh, I think all my internal organs are still left up there.

Us, and the guys. Don't you think everyone looked nice? =)

And of course, all the fun - thanks to Sheng Kai!

I came back, talked to Sanddy, Steffi and Shearon on the way back, laughed, sulked to myself, had no idea what to do cause everyone is not here, cleaned up the house, and decided to come to Pak Li to go online cause I feel so freaking miserable.

And did I mention I am no longer subscribing to the internet connection at Cemara? All thanks to the fact that I am broke. To save money, I am even washing my own clothes, not sending them to the laundry shop anymore, if I can help it.


Huhu~

To make matters worse, the people that I want to talk to aren't online.

You know how sometimes you feel so miserable, and want to be alone, yet you want to have people to talk to because when you are alone, it makes things worse? That's exactly how I feel.

If you know me, you'd know that I hate being alone when I am miserable. =(

I just realised a friend has somehow changed. Okay maybe she has not, I just didn't know her better before. It got me irritated, she seems different online and in real. I never thought I'd use this word to describe her, but I feel I'm beginning to get to know the pretentious her.


Okay, let's be happy.

I got three tickets from Jas to go for Roxy Summer Splash at Sunway yesterday. Three tickets means 6 persons, because one ticket=invitation for two. Wth. I only asked Mei Yueh and Pison to go because I freaking thought one ticket=1 human. =.=

Anyway Sabrina, Uma and Shearon turned up, so they tagged along. So all three tickets can be utilised. =)

So, why mission unaccomplished?

Cause when we reached there, we all gave up. There were SO many many people *hands stretched wide*. So we went shopping instead. (Somemore thought might be able to meet up with a few people at the Summer Splash *sigh*)

Window-shopping. I know I had to control my spending. Food was already expensive, so I can't possibly spend on anything else. =(

Anyway, after shopping, dinner and of course, movie time! Kung Fu Panda is GREAT. Made me laugh from the beginning till the end, except at the very beginning when I thought I lost my wallet and handphone and ran all the way out to the toilet and the popcorn counter to ask. But after I realised my wallet and handphone fell beneath my seat, the movie was fantabulously funny. XD Don't pandang rendah just because it's cartoon!! I've not laughed so much at a movie for a long time.



It's not all teddy bear stuff you know! =P

Great day, I didn't even feel as sick by the end of the day (oh yes, I was so sick the day before).

What can I say, laughter's the best medicine. =D

I have money problem. I think I have mentioned that like a thousand million times.

I have problems in finance management. And it's getting really bad. Really really bad. Especially in Summer. And I am not proud to admit it, but I have to. It's getting really bad. I think I really need help.

I KNOW I have this problem. Ever since I started working after Form 5, I spent away half of my income most of the times. And I think it has since became a habit for me to spend, even now, without income. Except for the JPA allowance.

I really really need help.

I can't go on like this. Dad just reprimanded me on YM. I know I know. I DO realise and feel bad each time I have to ask for cash from my dad. I feel bad all the time, but I don't know HOW and WHERE all my money went. It feels like a sickness I can't cure. Omg.

*shoots myself*

I need to do something about it. It won't do me any good for my future, if I keep spending off my allowances like that. It's bad.

I've counted. If I only spend RM4 on each meal, plus grocery shopping, plus topping up my handphone credit, plus the dobi, I can spend only less than RM400 every month. If I dine at Cemara Cafe every evening, it'll be less than RM 4 per meal, which is even better! Great, that's a headstart. I desperately need to monitor my finance.

Oh gosh. I feel so emo blogging about it.

For this two months, I am just going to have to rely on roti canai everyday. Still have a Genting trip to go. =(
I mean, I do want to go, and I just can't pull out now so I'll just have to ikat perut for a few months until the next time JPA bank in some money. I'll even have to put off that idea of going ice-skating.

Don't you feel sad for me? I feel pathetic lor. *sigh*

Why I like that one???