Black Vs White

Sorry for such a long break. Again, due to not having the connection in Cemara and being too lazy to walk all the way to Pak Li just to go online.

Now that I am back in Melaka, I can go online anytime I want. =P

Summer's over, I'm done with Psychology, and people are moving out of Cemara.

It's funny how I only started to get to know people better when they are about to leave. When I had so many months before people actually leave, I've never actually taken the chance to get to know them. When it's like a month or two before they leave, things just happen naturally and we get to mingle around and it's those times when I'd think, 'Wow, how come I never knew he/she is so nice?" and I'd feel sorry for not having more time to know them. And when each of these people finally leave, I'd discover another empty hole in my life.

It's such a sad case.

During those breaks when I did not have the internet connection in Cemara, I've been going back to my diary. It's nice to know I can write about anything I want in it and not having anyone know about it.

One day, I wrote:

Dear Diary,

Isn't it funny how the future might just turn out the most unexpected way you've ever imagined?

Okay, that's about all I'm revealing from the diary I sometimes write in. LOL, come on, the reason I had it written in my diary is because no one would read it, no? The point is, some things happened in the most unexpected way I've ever imagined. If someone had told me what would change in Spring and Summer 08 when I was in Fall, I would have laughed my head off, or probably have my jaw hanging open like a retard. XD

I'm glad it all happened anyway.

Things will change, no doubt. Things will certainly change one way or another, whether I like it or not.

All my efforts trying to be positive about things seem to go down the drain just like that; it's like it all goes back to point zero. So all I'm doing is trying to make my way from point zero again.

I don't want to pretend to be happy when I am not. It's tiring. So sometimes, I hardly talk to anyone. Even when I was talking, I didn't feel like I was saying anything much at all. My smiles were sometimes fake, I'm sorry to say that. And you know why I say it's tiring? Because when you force yourself to talk, you have to use so much energy trying to think of a reasonable reply to whoever's talking to you when all you want to do is keep quiet and look away, lost in your own thoughts. And when you fake your smile, it feels like you have to use up all the muscles on your face to push up that smile. That's really tiring.

I need a break. One week's holiday is good. And when I get back and find that some people are no longer there, I hope that I'll still be okay because as the cliche goes,

Life has to go on.