It's 1.37 a.m. and I've decided to stop my HK drama marathon because I am just too tired, and not very happy to just continue watching it. Sometimes, all the movies and HK dramas just makes me sad to think that I am running away from something and just distracting myself with them.
So I have decided to indulge myself in the 12 Zee Avi songs that I've downloaded. I've just recently discovered my love for songs from artistes like Zee Avi and Priscilla Ahn. :)
Friday nights just tend to be more gloomy than any other weekdays nights - especially when I am not out with friends. Friday nights are so not meant to be spent at home.
I think I just need someone to tell me what to do. On second thoughts, I really don't know what I want. I've been told what to do several times now, yet I am not satisfied and I go on seeking for an answer I know is already there. All that's left is for me to decide to do something. Yet, I refuse. As the tiny thoughts battle each other in my tiny brain, I no longer know what's right and what wrong, and I am no longer convinced I was right.
I trusted. I believed. And now I am starting to doubt. But I really don't want to doubt. Doubting will only turn into hatred. Do you know how hard it is to doubt and to hate? And now I am thinking, because of that, have I just been lying to myself all these while? I really don't know what to think anymore.
How is caring for others selflessly without thinking for yourself first, wrong? And why is it so hard to just, drop it and forget it? Why am I even thinking so much?
Or was I just really stupid?
It's so quiet and all I hear is the fan, and Zee Avi's voice singing Someone You Used To Know, thinking if I should just go to bed and continue knitting tomorrow. I should seriously consider just hanging out and going online at Starbucks with a cup of nice latte one day. Just for the fun of it, because I hardly ever lepak there.
And that's what I really feel like doing right now.
I hate myself when I think about all that is in my mind right now.
5 craps:
u noe, ur thoughts always echo mine and u put it into words better than i do. it weirdly makes me feel close to u, like i know u. hmm.. anyhow, here's a quote i found which i think kinda suits the mood.
"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going."
Hi again capricorn. XD It's been a while since your last comment. You're still not going to tell me who you are? =P
Hmm..
" it weirdly makes me feel close to u, like i know u. "
So we don't know each other? =P
Thanks for the quote by the way. :) I think I can let go of the coulda, shoulda and woulda more than I can let go of the disappointment in me. =P
don't feel so down...
"How is caring for others selflessly without thinking for yourself first, wrong? And why is it so hard to just, drop it and forget it? Why am I even thinking so much?"
1) because most people do not do that, so, they see motives behind your kind act that isn't there to start with.
2) because if it is easy, we won't feel any suffering at any time...
3) because you are like me... and we think. a lot.
Hmm..
1.) That's not really the problem, but yeah. Seems more stupid than it is wrong to me. >.< I think I am stupid. How.
2.) I thought I could drop it and forget it easier than this.
3.) haha nothing to think also I go find things to think. WHat lah.
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