Black Vs White

I cannot help but feel guilty. Yet grateful, in a way.

What an enormous emotional roller coaster - silly as it was. It shouldn't even have occurred in the first place. It was in a way, my own silliness, my own paranoia. Silly for me to be crying so much. *smacks self repeatedly* I used to think I was stronger.

This emotional roller coaster - whatever caused it, whoever's fault it is (I'd say neither, or both) - made me see things. I was actually surprise at the number of friends who came to me, though most of them don't know what happened.

Liz, you were great for being so willing to accompany me all the time (God knows how much studying time I have taken away from you T.T), making sure I don't cry, trying to coax me into having protein in my meals and everything else. I feel so bad for being the very bright lamp post shining on you and CJ all the time. XD Thanks so much!

Kelvian, I can't thank you enough for being there for me (though not physically) all the time as well. You'll always be online for me to kacau and to cheer me up. XD As always, my favourite bitch! =) I hope things turn out the best they can for you! Oh please wear the shirt for me to see! ^_^ Really glad I went to KBU pickups and got to know you there. *hugs*

Then to my roommate, Sanddy, you were extremely extremely helpful. You just have this fantastic ability to soothe me, I don't know how you do it. And you do it in a really unbiased way. You always told me to think of the best. Thank you for being the wonderfullest, most understanding roommate ever. Sometimes I feel like I am such a terrible roommate cause you're so good at consoling me and I just can't do it as good as you can. *hugs* You should go be a counsellor. XD

Foong Yi, we've been classmates since Day 1, yet we never really got to know each other or got too close. But you were there for me when I had no one with me. You're wonderfully understanding, sweet and caring, and thanks for the tissue papers. =P Oh and you are so cute when you start scolding people, "Eat shit!" XD

To all others who came to me:

Li Xuan - for your shoulder and words of encouragement. And for temaning me lampposting sometimes. XD

CJ - for helping me in every way you could, and for making Liz happy. =) I still think the envelope belongs to you. =P

JK, Pui Yin, Alicia and gang, Mike - thanks for being concerned. Kia Tzun, I'll be keeping your words in mind and try very hard to be like you. XD

CK - thanks for being totally unbiased and helping us. =)

To anyone else who came to me but I missed out, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Sometimes it's so beautiful to know that so many people actually cared.

Lastly, to you. I think we both became paranoid in a way. I think we both didn't have a pleasant time. Whatever it is, I'm glad we're fine now. I'm not looking forward to anymore emotional roller coaster. XD (NOW, I really think communication is very important) I don't know what will happen in the future. Let's just get back onto track. =)

I think most people have labeled me stupid and stubborn by now, but I want to believe in our friendship.
Well. I think I'm an emotional wretch who cries too much.

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I've been trying to figure out how to write this for two days. You see, the thing is, I'm really glad things are fine now. I still don't know what to think - too many sudden changes - but I think it's best if I don't think too much. I'll just be glad. And relieved.

But I can't help but feel bad. Two of my best friends are hating each other and no, don't tell me it's not because of me. If none of this ever happened, you two will probably still be fine with each other. T.T

I cannot pretend not to care when my two best friends are clawing at each other. Sigh. And it is all because of what happened / my own insecurity. Things became better for me but I've ruined things for other people.

I just want you two to know that I am very grateful to have you guys. Just saddened that things turned out this way because of me.