Black Vs White

I saw this five white birds flying in the night sky. Then I saw another bird flying alone. The white contrasted with the night sky so beautifully.

Where do you think they go? Do you think birds feel lazy when they have to go hunt for food? Do you think they might procrastinate, and say, "Aiya later only go lah. Sleep first. Or maybe I'll just skip lunch." Do you think they feel bored? Do you think they have to study flying and hunting and complete assignments? Do you think they feel lonely when they have to fly alone? Do you think they crave for special worms? Do they have headaches? Do they feel hot? Do they hold grudges? Do you think they believe in love at first sight? Do you think they fall in love?

Do you think they look at us and wonder the same thing?

Because I am bored and a bit emo.

RULES:
- Tell 100 Truths
- Tag 20 people after
- They do the same back to you

1. Last beverage → Lover's Potion. Some mocktail.
2. Last phone call → Shirleen calling me out.
3. Last text message → Shirleen asking me why am I not coming out from my house when she arrived (padahal I went to HER house to pick her up wth)
4. Last song you listened to → Gives you hell
5. Last time you cried → Several days ago? A week maybe.

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Dated someone twice → Haven't even dated anyone. =.="
2. Been cheated on? → Nope
3. Cheated someone else? → I'm an angel. XD
4. Lost someone special? → You tell me.
5. Been depressed? → Sadly yes
6. Been drunk and threw up? → Luckily, nope. XD

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS: White, black. It depends really.

HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends → Like, duh???!!
2. Fallen out of love → Guess not.
3. Laughed until you cried → Anyone who hasn't got no life. LOL I have a life. XD
4. Met someone who changed you → Yes
5. Found out who your true friends were → I'm not sure. Maybe. Yeah. How can you really know? I like to trust everyone.
6. Found out someone was talking about you → I think so. I can't remember. XD
7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list → *plays Katie Perry's I Kissed A Girl* XD The question didn't really specify where. LOL
8. How many people on your friend's list do you know in real life → Uhhh? Huh??
9. How many kids do you want to have → 1 boy 1 girl?
10. Do you have any pets → Nope. XD Oh wait, Pan Pan!
11. Do you want to change your name → Nope! It's a combo name!!
12. What did you do for your last birthday → Effing emoed wth. And Calculus. =.="
13. What time did you wake up today → 9 something when the weather got too hot.
14. What were you doing at midnight last night → Talking to Liz I think.
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for → My DSLR in the US. >.<
16. Last time you saw your father → 5 minutes ago?
17. One thing you wish you could change about your life→ Ahh..
18. What are you listening to right now → The sound of the fan and my own typing
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Nope.
20. What's getting on your nerves right now? → My effing headache. And fever. =.=
21. Most visited webpage → Facebook XD

1. What's your name → =.="
2. Nicknames → Uh. Is Joelyn considered a nickname? LOL I know! Bitch. Ah Girl. And that's a bout it. LOL people like my name enough to call me by my name XD
3. Relationship Status → Single
4. Zodiac sign → Aquarius
5. Male or female or transgendered → Transgendered. LOL LOL LOL
6. Elementary → SRK Convent Infant Jesus (1)
7. Middle School → Uhh?
8. High school → SMK Infant Jesus Convent
10. Hair color → Black
11. Long or short → Long. =P
16. Height → Ah. *coughshortcough*
17. Do you have a crush on someone? → Crush? Define crush.
18: What do you like about yourself? → My eyes!
19. Piercings → 6. XD
20. Tattoos → Considered.
21. Righty or lefty → Lefty!!

FIRSTS :
22. First surgery → None
23. First piercing → When I was 10. Came back with my ear all red. =.=
24. First best friends → Lisa Lau!
26. First sport you joined → Badminton?
27. First pet → Pan Pan!
28. First vacation and when→ Can't remember lah.
29. First concert → Er... Can't remember too.
30. First crush → 12? XD Young and curious. LOL wth.

RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating → None
50. Drinking → None
52. I'm about to → Post this on my blog
53. Listening to → =.= This was asked in Q.18. =.="
55. Waiting for → Everything

YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? → =.= Yes lah.
59. Want to get married? → Yes don't wanna be lou gu po. =.=
60. Careers in mind? → Photograher.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. Lips or eyes → Eyes
69. Hugs or kisses → Both? XD
70. Shorter or taller → Taller lah. Where to find guys shorter than me somemore?
71. Older or Younger → Older, at least the same age.
72. Romantic or spontaneous → Both
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → Arms. Nicer to hold. Lol
74. Sensitive or loud → Erm. Sensitive? Loud? Depends.
75. Hook-up or relationship → What's hooking up? LOL
76. Trouble maker or hesitant→ Trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → No.
79. Drank hard liquor → What's hard?
80. Lost glasses/contacts → Misplaced and then found. XD
81. Sex on first date → No
82. Broken someone's heart → I don't know.
83. Had your own heart broken → Yes mostly by myself wth.
86. Turned someone down → Nope
87. Cried when someone died → I have a heart okay. Yes lah!
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? → LOL define like? I like all my girl friends.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → I think so.
90. Miracles → Sometimes I choose to.
91. Love at first sight → Crush yes, love no.
92. Heaven → Hmm.. Not too sure.
93. Santa Clause → Do I look like a 5 year old?
95. Kissing on the first date? → First date with someone you have been really close with, yes. With a complete stranger, no.
96. Angels → I want to.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes
98. Who is it? - =.=
99. Had boyfriend/girlfriend for a day? → Nope.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? → No. LOL

One down. Three more to go!

The weather has been pretty horrible these days. It was cold the beginning of the week, and by the end of the week, I'm sweating round the clock.

I need something cold. Iced lemonade. Ice cream. Ice. Ice. Ice.

I think I have been taking three showers a day. And everyone is complaining about the heat. It rained for, erm 10 minutes just now? Before it got hot again. I had to resort to wearing a racerback in my room (which isn't often because my racerbacks are not meant to be worn in my room/home/for sleep!).

You ever paused and watched a kid? They are damn cute. I saw this kid chasing after the frisbee disc and couldn't help but to stand longer and watch. He must be about 4 or 5? I smile when he caught the disc and clap my hands silently. Haha. Made my day. He wore orange. :)

I think I flunked Chemistry. >.<

My aim tonight : Finish revising Calculus.
Tomorrow : Chemistry.

Aahh.

I'm looking forward to Thursday 5.30 p.m. when I will be free. Wait. I still have my Maple project to do. >.< Friday I'll be free. :)

Did you realise it's a freaking SATURDAY? I should be at home watching the game show on TV2. No I am here, mugging on Calculus. And procrastinating.

I am still waiting for the results from UIUC and Wisconsin. What is taking them so long??

Okay I just closed my Facebook page. Say bravo!! XD




It's 8. Time for me to focus. And be a nerd. >.<

I struggled for a few seconds before I could think of how to put this into words.

*pause*

I am one of those innocent naive kids who still choose to believe in friendships that last forever.

I can't help but feel a bit sad.

Don't have to mention what happened to me because of my mistakes anymore. Not today.

But seeing friendships around me, broken. Made me wonder if I could still hold on to that faith. People hating each other. Holding grudges. Not forgetting, not forgiving. Cold as ice. Hard as metal.

If we live, and look back at this 5 years from now, will we laugh and tease each other for our own silliness? Will we meet, have a drink together, laugh together, shake hands, hug?


If we are all to die tomorrow, will we all make up and be friends for the last hours of our lives? Can we disregard all the bitterness, and for the last time, hold hands and walk the last hour of our lives?

If we are to die.

OMG I finally managed to put it up!!!

Why couldn't I upload it and put it up before this?? Weird. @.@

Looked fantastic by itself. Looks weird in my blog. XD I don't care, I made it, so you HAVE TO say it's nice!!!!

*excited*

Omg. Okay. I need to stop procrastinating and study instead. >.<

Tell me what you think! XD No lah, don't have to say it's nice lah. =P

Whee~!

To that boy in green. Written, torn, and burnt. He died.


That's my extra credit assignment! =P How's that for a short story? XD

*shifts attention back to Chemistry, headache comes back* >.<

Going back home drained me of some little strength I had. No, not the going home part, it's the part where I have to drag myself back here.

It was like I gave myself a lie - that I could run away for a while, and everything seemed so far away. Seemed so unreal. Did whatever happened, really happened? In the end, I had to come back here after all.

Standing at the bus station - alone - did not do me any good. Not that I could help it. My family had something on and I had to ask my aunt to drop me there. Blame it on me for buying the bus ticket so late and the only available tickets were for 8.30 a.m. and 8.30 p.m. and I didn't wanna come back too late.

When I stood there waiting, I felt what I felt when it was my first time coming to Intec. Two years ago, I was so reluctant to let my dad and my brother leave me here, but told myself I have to be a big girl. It was after all just Shah Alam, not very far from Melaka and it's not like I wasn't going back forever. I felt like I was that girl who cried everyday in Standard One again. I was that crybaby who felt scared when her daddy wasn't around to watch her. So afraid to put a foot forward. So afraid to talk. So afraid that her daddy won't be there to pick her up from school. So afraid to be alone.

When I first watched PS I Love You, I cried the entire movie, cried for Holly who lost Gerry. (oh yes, call me dramatic and over emotional but I am a girl who cries at movies) And I felt the pain, and wondered myself if I could die from losing someone I love so much, if I could bear to live everyday like Holly did, or if I would lock myself away like she did. I dread that thought since then. I don't want to have to endure that kind of pain. Because of my stupidity, my fear of losing the people I treasure, I pushed them away.

I am so stupid. I wonder if I am hated because of that.

Forgive me for my ramblings.

I should be happy. For the so many people who came and talk to me, tried to cheer me up even when they did not know what happened. Made me feel okay. Let me know I wasn't alone. I am okay. I am fine. With occasional stupid thoughts and regrets that kept pulling me back, before I find that strength to stand up again. And it goes on like that until who knows when.

So today when I arrived and took the taxi (which was freaking expensive, why did you give me EXECUTIVES taxi when I wanted NORMAL-i-don't-care-if-it's-buruk taxi??) I told myself - time to stand up, because the battle begins again!!

Because it's one week to FINALS!

*dresses up for war, arming self with machine gun* >.<


當腳步被回憶綁著 我跑過沙漠

Dream - Priscilla Ahn

I was a little girl,
alone in my little world
who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees,
and fed my houseguests bark and leaves,
and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark
through woods grown behind the park,
I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me,
God answered in silent reverie.
I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

ooohh~

Now I'm old and feeling grey.
I don't know what's left to say
about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well,
there's many tales I've lived to tell.
I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now
to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream


I've just found total happiness. I LOVE HER SONGS. They are all so sweet. For some reasons her songs make me VERY VERY VERY happy. It's 3.45 a.m. and I can't sleep. I am listening to her songs. And I feel so happy. I wish time would stop. And I can remain like this forever. Just think about MYSELF. My life. What I want to do.

*flies away*

I don't know how to post a youtube video here. *smacks self* follow the link (song title!)!!

There's one extremely cute one called the Boob Song. XD XD

A Good Day. This is a good one to start my day. *smiles happily*

morning
sun rise
open my eyes

and i can tell it's gonna be a good day
i can tell it's gonna be a good day
did you sleep well?
did you dream at all?
can you tell me the time?
on the alarm clock

i can tell it's gonna be a good day
i can tell it's gonna be a good day
but you can sleep in
you just keep dreamin
for us

i can tell it's gonna be a good day
i can tell it's gonna be a good day

I feel blessed and completely happy for reasons I do not know. Her songs are not entirely un-emo. In fact, I think Dream says that she is ready to leave life. But it doesn't sound sad at all. And I FEEL HAPPY listening to her songs!! HAHAHA okay I am going mad.

I don't want to sleep and let this feelings go away.

I want to be happy. I am NOW.

*looks back at Calculus book*

1. Trying to run across the desert when memories seem to tie me back.

2. Fear. Trying not to make a huge mistake. Trying not to be a bitch (no not that Bitch bitch, but the slut bitch), and trying not to hurt myself and others.

3. PHYSICS. CHEMISTRY. CALCULUS. LITERATURE. Difficulty in concentrating. =.=

4. Save save save!

5. Deciding on my first choice university (although I've only been accepted into ONE T.T) !!!


THANKS JYI! I only have 5 major problems!!! *grins*

When everything comes together.


Guilt. Worry. Regret. Helplessness. Disappointment. Frustration. Regret. Worry. Regret. Regret. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.


And what is it called, when you feel like you are the stupidest person on Earth?



I'll be fine. But it ain't easy at all.

Yes! Pillow Fight! XD