Black Vs White

That's me. *points at title*
I think I am having some sleeping disorder, really. It's 5.38 in the morning and I can't sleep. I've been lying down on the bed for like almost two hours and all I can do is stare at the ceiling.

That's how I look like, deprived of sleep. *points down*

I guess this explains why I have been waking up at noon everyday, saving money on breakfast. I go to bed at around 2 or 3 in the morning and I lie awake for at least an hour before falling asleep everyday. Meaning I sleep at around 4 everyday. Except for today. I can't sleep at all.

And so I decided to do some exercise on my fingers.

That's Ichimaru Gin from Bleach.

I've always liked the way he grins. So evil one. He's one of the bad guys anyway.
I wanted to do Grimmjow at first (I think he is totally cool), and I did but it turned out really sucky. Okay this Gin isn't anywhere near perfection too, but it's better than my Grimmjow.

And I am waiting for 154 to be out!!

Feel free to criticise. XD Okay don't so cruel lah. A little is enough. =P

Anyway I really liked the colours of the candies. XD

Don't I sound so bored, not being able to sleep?

Someone once told me that sometimes I looked really unhappy and looked like I was always thinking of something important. Well, okay the unhappy part is wrong lah, but the thinking part, yes I admit. Minus the word 'important'.

Yeaps, sometimes I feel like I think too much. Which brings us back to my sleeping disorder. They call it insomnia eh?

I have so much on my mind right now, basically all craps. But they kept me so awake. I think about like everything.

You see, recently I have been really really obsessed with photography. And I was just thinking about it so much, I think it took half of the space in my tiny brain. And I just discovered this blog, OnePicADay through Blogs of Notes and I totally love his pictures. It's not a photoblog or anything, but I like it!

I changed my ambitions so many times throughout this 17 years, as I grew from being naive to money-minded and glamor-seeking to being realistic to wanting to do what I really want. When I was 5 to 7, I wanted to be a teacher, cause it just seemed so easy and fun. In my tiny mind, all a teacher had to do was to teach stuff like 1+1=2 and A is for apple. It seemed really fun with those pictures and graphics. And then in Primary Two, a friend told me she wanted to be a doctor. So I thought about all the money I can make, and how cool it would be to wear the white coat and being labelled as 'Dr. Lee' and I said, 'Yeah, I wanna be a doctor too!'

I kept that in mind until Form 3 when I realised I wasn't going to be smart enough to study medic and I would probably go crazy from the stress of it all. So I decided that I wanted to be an engineer instead. Up until Form 4. It was then that I realised what I really had in mind and I knew it wasn't going to be engineering. The annual education fair in school came and I was nearly driven mad by all the various design courses.

I came upon Interior Design, which I wanted to do so so so so much. Then I found out about Graphic Design, Fashion Design, Hair Design (yes, even this caught my attention), Comic Illustrator, Photography, and so much more. Oh there was even this thing called Virtual Reality which was super cool.

Yes, I wanted to do all that. Anything to do with designing. It's a bit unrealistic, as many have pointed out, as I was doing really (okay not REALLY, but quite) well in Science. Well, at some point my dad actually said I could do Interior Design. I thought about being realistic and decided that I could to go for Architecture.

And why, you ask, am I here doing engineering as my major? I have no idea what made me do it. I feel really stupid now.

But I found out that plenty of those doing Engineering didn't really want to do Engineering at all. So, I am not alone. That's a little comforting.

Anyway, back to Photography, I'm totally obsessed with it now. I am really no where near taking nice pictures, I am taking lousy pictures, my brother takes better pictures than me (great he is so going to fly up into the sky) and I will have a totally long way to go if I were to learn. I am like the so very beginner of the beginners.

One thing I learnt from the Perasan Guy a.k.a L, is to learn it by yourself. I've seen some tutorials online but I barely understand a thing. =( I guess I'll have to go really slowly.

I am so going to take this up when I get to the States. It'll be really cool if I can be a freelance photographer in the future. Oh I know I've said many things that I've failed to accomplish but no harm thinking about it. *winks*

So, that's basically one of those craps going through my mind that is causing me a sleepless night. Also, the thought of having to go back to Shah Alam. And the thought of sending the seniors off. And the thought of what I am going to do later. And the thought of my koyak sneakers. And the thought of being so broke. And the thought of whether the New Year plan will work out. Yes, everything.

It's 6.22 already. I do feel a lil sleepy, but I can tell you, once I lie on my back, I won't be able to sleep.

Sorry this is such a long post. Need to kill off some time.

Those who read till the end, thank you. XD